Finding My Soul

My mom called me earlier today. Things between have been awkward as of late. It didn't help that I acted like a little brat when I was on vacation with her. I was just unhappy that my brother half my age gets to go wherever he wants and my sisters and I don't. I'm pretty sure she just wants us to be safe, but we are a lot older now. I guess I just don't understand and I never confronted her about it. That's my fault and I know that. I just don't know how to talk to her anymore.

Anyway, she called just a while ago. She asked me about my job and school status. That lets me know that she cares about me because I never really know if she does or not. I told her that I haven't found a job yet, but that I'm still looking. She said that she knows how hard it is to find a job over here in California. I could already hear that I should move over there in her voice. She asked me how much longer I have left in school. I told her that I have a year and probably a half left to get my bachelor's degree. I explained to her that I just want to finish it so that I can get a decent job.

I told her that I had some clothes to send to the Philippines, but she told me not too. She said it would be too much money to send stuff there. It would be better if I donated the clothes to the salvation army so that I can claim it for my income tax next year. She started asking about the stuff in the storage. I told her that most of it was my sisters, but that I just wanted to start getting rid of stuff. I also mentioned that there were some things of hers that she wanted me to hold on to. She said that she can't make it there right now because it is difficult. She even wants me to donate the organ too.

After some more conversation, the call came to a close. She told me that she loves me and my eyes started to tear up. I know that the relationship between my mom and I is not that great, but I do love her. She is still my mom and I wish things were a lot better between us. I've always known that she loves me, I just don't get that re-assurance. Then again, I can pick up the phone too. I told her that I loved her too and the phone call ended. I just want things to be cool between us again, but that has to start with me.