Finding My Soul

Ok, so you must be wondering what the title means. Well, for the first time in Fernando history, this Filipino Gay Guy has finally done something every other gay man has done before. Fernando has gone and hooked up with a guy. ::Gasp:: No! Are you sure? Yes, it is true. You are probably thinking. No. Not Fernando. He's this innocent little thing. That's just too nasty. I hate to break it to you all, but this little Filipino is horny. I am only human and... I'm horny as hell. So enough with all the Will & Grace quote references and down to the nitty-gritty. The last time I had sex was last October on Halloween when I met a Filipino guy. Yes. ::sigh:: I said Filipino guy. He was kind of cute in his own little way. That and he kept making out with me. I'm sure I wrote about this last time and the things I did at the park and then back at my place, but I digress. Anyway, all my friends have boyfriends, friends with benefits, f*ck buddies, etc. except for me. It gets really irritating when they ALWAYS seem to talk about how they are with their man and blah, blah, blah. I want to just barf. It's gotten to the point where porn just doesn't do it for me anymore. I hate to say it, but I need something else. Besides, I thought to myself a while back, how the hell am I going to meet people if I don't get out there. I am so not into bars. I only go to hang out with friends, but not to meet people. Same with clubs. I love dancing just like anybody else and I usually go with the company of friends, but that's it. Those venues are no way any place that I would go to meet a decent guy and I'm certainly not sure how to do it any other way, so I decided to go back online and chat.

I had posted a previous blog about my first experience back online on gay.com. I went online once again and saw someone that I had chatted with the first time that became my friend. Except he didn't respond at all when I sent him a message. There was another friend that I met through my friend Keith. I saw that he was online, so I chatted with him a bit. After a while, I received an instant message from a guy from Michigan. He didn't have a picture on his profile and he was 44 yrs old. I really didn't expect anything from it but a decent conversation. He told me that he was a programmer and immediately I thought about all the dorkables that were having lunch at the City Center downtown that were here for a convention. It turns out that he was down for a convention as well, but of a different type. We chatted about school, work, hobbies, etc. all the trivial stuff that usually seems to go on during these online chats. I was trying to tune my guitar as I wasn't too vested into the conversation at first. Then, he asked me what my plans were tonight. I told him that I was just going to practice my guitar and practice my solo for church. He wanted to see about getting together with someone at his hotel room and going from there.

We started talking more and he was very interested in Asian men. He talked about how Asian men drive him wild and how he get very hard when around them. Our conversation become more sexual in nature. We talked about what kind of things we liked to do. One of the things he mentioned was that smooth skin really turns him on. We talked about a few other things and the next thing you know, he invites me to his hotel room at the Parc 55 downtown. At one point, I did ask to see a picture of him, and he looked totally adorable. So, as horny as I was just chatting with him, I decided to go for it. I text message Will to let him know where I was going to be just in case, so that someone knows where I will be. I ran to the shower and cleaned up before heading out there. I must have been nervous as hell because my stomach was in pain. I didn't eat a lot or anything weird earlier that day, so it must have been nerves. I have been text messaging Tina and Will the whole time I was on the train heading towards downtown. I finally arrive after what seem liked hours and walked up the stairs from the underground.

I was just outside the hotel when I called Joe on his cell phone to let him know that I was near. He told me to come on up. I walked into the hotel and took the elevator to the sixth floor. I walked up to room 661 and knocked on the door. When the door opened, I was a bit in shock. The guy didn't look like the guy that was on the picture. The picture must have been a decade old because this guy was completely different from the picture. His hair wasn't blond like the picture. It was more of a light brown, but his eyes had a very nice blue tint to them. I walked in and sat down next to him on the couch. He had a king size bed that looked as if it already had been slept in. He had the television set on tuned to some sort of sports channel with basketball. He faced me and we started to chat for a bit. I really didn't look at him much when I was conversing with him. I often diverted my eyes to the television set while glancing in his direction every once in a while.

After a while, he asked if he could touch me. I agreed and he began to caress my arm. From there, he got a little closer and started touching me behind my neck. It was much longer before he started to take my shirt off. The only thing that came to my mind was, I'm horny so I might as well go along with it. He took of his shirt and he started to move his hands along my smooth arms and torso. My body began to pulsate due to the attention that it was receiving. It was nice to feel attractive and wanted. He continued to remove the rest of my clothes and the rest of his. There was one thing about him that was nice and it was his 6" cut cock. He guided me towards the bed and laid me down. He turned me so that I laid upon my stomach as he began to massage me. My body reacted to every movement of his hands as it ran up and down my back. He ran his ran his hands through every curvature of my body which relaxed me entirely. I had not pleasure him in anyway as of yet, though it seemed he was pleased with the touch of every inch of my body. He turned me over swiftly and placed his mouth upon the head of my phallus. Slowly he enveloped his mouth up and down my shaft bringing me pleasure that I haven't felt in years. He continued to touch me as he probed every inch of me with his tongue, mouth, and lips.

Eventually, he positioned me opposite of him where I would have easy access to his manhood that I found very enticing. I held my hand around it and slowly wrapped my lips around it as if I were licking a lollypop or a creamsicle ice cream for the very first time. I caressed it in my mouth slowly enjoying every inch of it that I could. It felt like it was my first time in a long time that I was able to wrap my mouth around a cock so nice and smooth. The head was just the right size for the remaining shaft. It looked so nice that I wanted to stare at it and lick it at the same time. After a while, he changed positions once again. He put me back on my stomach and began to play with my rear entrance. Before long, he positioned my body towards where he began rimming me. It wasn't long before I was in complete ecstasy. My body began to shudder towards every placement of his tongue. I could no longer hold it in and I began to moan with complete and utter pleasure. I hadn't felt this kind of pleasure in a long while. I think he knew that he found the ultimate area to pleasure me in. He continued to rim every inch of my rear to the point where I had to bite the bed covers just to keep me from yelling out in pure ecstasy. It was totally amazing.

After a while, he laid me on my back and just wanted to touch me again. I was still in awe from the pleasure I had received when he rimmed me from behind. As I recovered from it, he continued to touch my body again. He continued to finger my sphincter to get me to relax. Slowly as he caressed my body with his lips, he motioned his fingers into me to prepare for intercourse. I wasn't sure if I was ready for it because it has been a very long time since someone inserted themselves in me and he was very big. From previous experience, at least for me, the bigger the penis the less painful it was for me and the smaller the penis the MORE painful it was. Since this guy was 6", I wasn't sure what was going to happen. I grabbed the condom and lube from my backpack and prepared for the inevitable. He got me back on my stomach again and slowly attempted to penetrate me from behind, but it was too painful. I asked him to go slow, but it still was too painful going in. I switched positions to where I would ride him, but it just wouldn't go in. He was very nice about it, even though I myself was deeply disappointed, and no longer pursued it.

He took me to the shower and we washed each other up. He soaped up my body and grabbed my penis from behind me where he slowly jacked me off. I put my hand behind me to find his penis and did the same. He continued to lather me up with soap touching each others body before eventually laying in the small bath tub as it filled up with water. My body laid against his as he continued to soap my body up and down. He had this smile that made things feel ok, even though I was disappointed about the failed rear entry. After a while, we got out of the bath tub and dried each other off. We went back to the bed where we continued to attempt to pleasure each other more. He once again got me on my back, but this time pushed my legs towards me for easy access to my butt where he began rimming me again. Once again I was in pure ecstasy and in a different position. Eventually, we laid back side by side. I took hold of his cock and slowly started to masturbate him. He had pre-cum oozing out of his penis the whole time. I could feel it run down my hand as I continued to pleasure him with my left hand and I with my right. His body began to shudder and before long he ejaculated. Cum spewed all over his body and my arm. And for the first time, I was able to get off (even though I was jacking off myself) with him. It was nice. After laying there a while, he got up to clean himself off and grabbed a towel soaked in warm water for me to wipe myself off.

We laid there a while watching the sports news that was currently on at the time. I turned to him and saw that his eyes were closed and he was tired. All I could think about was that I was hungry and I didn't want to stay. Eventually, I got up and got dressed. It was around 10PM and I didn't want to miss the train back home. I told him that I had to go and he understood. He needed to get to bed because he had to get up the next morning at 8am for the last day of the convention. I grabbed all my stuff and thanked him before I left. As I got into the elevator, a cute guy held the elevator for me. He had just started his shift and helped me get to where I needed to go. As I walked out of the hotel, I felt a bit afflicted by the whole situation. Don't get me wrong, it was pleasurable and I was finally able to get off, but something continued to trouble me.

My mind raced as I attempted to figure out my feelings of discontent. My body was in anguish by feelings of hunger, so I decided to look for something to eat. I was craving tacos, but there was no taco bell that I knew of around. However, there was a Del Taco nearby, so I headed over there. There were a few cute guys there, one of which was from the game developers convention occurring at Moscone center. Anyway, I sat there and ate my tacos alone with these feelings running within me. I couldn't take it anymore. After I finished eating, I headed down towards the Montgomery station and waited for my train to arrive. Tina had called me, but I somehow missed it. So I called her and we attempted to figure out why I was feeling the way I was feeling. Was it because the guy misrepresented himself in his photo? Was it because I was not sexually attracted to him? Or was it because for the first time, I could not perform sexually? I really wasn't too sure for I am cursed with obsessive-compulsive notion to psycho-analyze my feelings in every fashion necessarily possible. Tina managed to calm me down momentarily until I got on the train and had more time to think about it. I came up with several conclusions one of which was due to the attraction factor which only seemed to satisfy me temporarily. I also called up Will and discussed this notion further. He had identified several possibilities about the situation. It was concluded that this was an experience to learn from. He suggested that for future reference always ask for more than one picture and that not all of the experiences are going to be the same. The only thing that lingers is my sexual prowess. I have always been complemented and blown away my sexual partners with my sexual abilities. I have always walked away with them being satisfied. For the first time, I felt like a failure and that I no longer have anything to offer in the boudoir. This a conundrum that is going to bother me for a long while.