Finding My Soul

Last night I had my tenth date with Alex. It was my turn to buy dinner and I had sent him an email a couple days prior inquiring any suggestions for dinner. It wasn't till two hours before I was to be at his place when I read his email and found that he was craving green curry chicken from the Thai restaurant around the corner from my house. At first, I got a little confused. Somehow I thought he was coming here, but then I re-read the email and realized exactly what he was talking about it. I don't know how I misread the email the way I did. Good thing I figured it out before sending him a text about it. I sent him a text and asked him if he wanted anything else. He suggested fried rice and sticky rice with mango. I ordered the food online and headed over to pick it up within 15 minutes. Afterward I headed over to the train stop and waited for train to arrive. I had brought along my umbrella thinking that it was going to rain, but all I could see was fog all around me. It took a while to get to his place since the shuttle came by the stop instead of the train. I wasn't sure what happened, but it really didn't matter. I got into the bus and headed towards the back to sit in one of the one-seat next to the exit. I listened to my iPod the entire way to my destination. I had gotten off at my stop and headed towards Alex's place. It was a lot clearer in the Castro district than where I lived.

Finally, I arrived in front of his apartment building and buzzed his doorbell. He buzzed me in and I went up. As I walked up the stairs, there was Alex waiting for me with the door open. I walked in and took off my coat and shoes. He warned me that he was feeling like he was about to get sick and that I should probably keep my distance from him just in case. We walked towards the kitchen and he set down the food on the table. He offered me some water and poured me a glass. We both sat down and I had a feeling something was up. He started to tell me that there has been something that he wanted to talk to me about. He didn't want to bring it up in the first few dates, but since this was our 10th date he thought it was about time to talk about it. He kept mentioning the word exclusivity. I really didn't know what he was getting at and asked him if there was something that he wanted me to say. He went on to remind me that he was wanting to take things slow and that he wasn't ready to be exclusive. He also reminded me that he had just gotten out of an 8 year relationship.

I told him that I was totally fine with taking things slow. I admitted to him that it was different for me at first because I had never experienced anything like it. All the relationships that I have been in have always moved along. Not that I move quickly in a relationship. I'm not a whore. I swear. I just mean that I used to see my dates at least two to three times a week instead of once a week which I found out just recently was the norm. Then again, I had no idea. I honestly don't know what the rules are in dating, but then again I don't think there really are. Anyway, I told him that I'm glad that we were taking things slow. I pointed out that my hairstylist told me that maybe it was a good thing. I mentioned that it was then that I realized that maybe that's what I need to do in dating.

He started to talk about what didn't work in his relationship. He values his honesty. It turns out that his ex- didn't want to share certain things about his life. His ex- wanted to keep his friends separate from him. So, whenever his ex- went out and he asked about it, his ex- would tell him that he went out with a friend. He wouldn't tell Alex who he went out with. He said that he didn't like secrets and it was like lying to him. I understood where he was coming from. I told him that something similar was the cause of my friend's breakup. I told him both sides of their stories. All of sudden I started talking about my past relationships. I talked about "Wimp," "Psycho," and finally "Freak." He was concerned when I told him about "Psycho" and inquired why I broke it off with "Wimp" and "Freak." There was one question I asked and it was the ethnicity of his ex- since "Freak" had the same name. Thank goodness it wasn't the same guy. Anyway, in short, he basically said it was okay to date other people. Although I have never dated more than one guy at the same time, but I think I would be okay with it.

The conversation went well. For the first time in a while, we both had a meaningful conversation in which we both contributed equally. Sometimes I feel like I talk too much or talk too little at times, but he did say that he does like me. We proceeded to have dinner and talk some more. I was glad that we had that conversation because it felt like we were able to move on a bit in our dating relationship. After dinner, we watched the next two episodes of Pride & Prejudice. I sat next to him and cuddled in his arms the whole time we watched the movie. It feels really nice to cuddle with him. He said that he really liked cuddling with me too. After we finished the two episodes, we had dessert before I went home. He wanted to save the last two episodes for our next date before I head out of the country. I felt pretty good about this date. At least now I know where I stand.