Finding My Soul

I just got home from S.O.S choir practice today and it was definitely one of the many interesting rehearsals of all. Let me explain further. S.O.S. which means Singers Of the Street, is a choir put together to promote homelessness awareness. The very first choir from which this stemmed from started out in Australia and proved to be a success. Soon the one choir turned to several within years and has spread out around the world. Our choral conductor is an amazing director who imagined this choir into reality. I fell into the choir when I found myself roaming around the city lost due to unemployment and a continuing depression that seemed to be heading toward a dismal end. I knew I needed to find help and with the diminishing of funds, I wasn't sure where to turn to. I found myself wandering into the LGBT center for which I have attempted to visit many, many times. Last fall was the first time that I was finally able to step into the establishment. I was unsure at what to expect and what kind of help I would be able to find.

There at the front desk was an older gentlemen about in his mid-40s organizing his paperwork and typing on the computer. He welcomed me with a smile and glanced at me above his glasses asking me if I needed help to just ask. I nodded back at him with a slight smile and began wandering down the hall where there were several bulletin boards. I glanced at different ads for therapists, various openly-gay religious groups, and several other advertisements geared to toward the LGBT community. I saw several ads for therapists, but of course they cost money. Then, there was a stack of flyers for the S.O.S. choir. It said, "Come Sing for Justice & Joy! Homeless? Unemployed? Invisible? Rehearsals every Wednesday 11am - 1pm. First rehearsal is Wednesday, September 15, 2010." I picked up the flyer among several others and put them in my backpack. During the days prior to the first rehearsal I struggled whether or not I would be welcomed in this choir. I was not homeless, but I was unemployed and I did feel invisible and all alone. There are a few things that make me happy and singing in a choir was one of them.

I finally decided to attend the first choir rehearsal with a bit of hesitation. It was unlike any choir I have ever been in. It was completely opposite of any typical choir. First of all, there were more men than women. Usually there are three times as many women as men, but it was the complete opposite. Then again, the rehearsals are in the midst of the gay community, so I guess that may explain it all. There were more basses than other voice parts as well. To top that off, the choir was a lot older than the youngsters that I'm used to.

The choir conductor talked about the choir and handed out folders with the music that we were going to be rehearsing with. I wasn't sure I was going to fit in, but after a few rehearsals I started to become acclimated with the group. Of course within that time the personalities came out. I started to experience a variety of them. There were several quiet ones like me, a few know-it-alls, a happy-go-lucky all around nice and funny guy, and the couple with mental disabilities. What's even more interesting about this group is that a few of them act just like kids. It's unbelievable how old some of them are and how childish they act at their age. I look at the choir conductor and see how much patience she has with them. There is not a rehearsal that goes by when they start acting like children.

Nevertheless, this choir has given me so much. Not only has it brought back some confidence in myself, but it has also taught me patience. I often look at the choir director when the two start arguing like children and it doesn't help when the other one shoots off her mouth and starts it all. I often feel her emotionally when I look at the expression on her face. I remember that I would often get annoyed whenever this happened, but after a while I learned to be patient just as the choir conductor. All I can do is focus on the music and help the rehearsal move along. It's the best thing.

At rehearsal today, I found out that one of our choir members, J, was in an accident. J is the sweetest and kindest guy in the group. He's also the funny guy in the group. He gives great hugs and it feels good to be on the receiving end because its genuine. He barely knows me, but it doesn't seem to matter to him. He's very loyal to his husband and I totally respect that. It's what makes him a very special person to me. So, I was shocked when I found out and was sad that he was in the accident, but fortunately he's doing okay. K came up to me and hugged me because he was sad that J was in an accident. I didn't really have time to be sad because I ended up having to comfort K.

We were having difficulty with the childish adults and we did what we always do and forged ahead with the rehearsal to practice the music. Often we would let certain comments from them roll off of our shoulders and focus on the music at hand. In the midst of rehearsal something happened and I guess I was smiling. K made a comment and said that I had one of the most brightest smiles that he has ever seen or something to that effect. It was very flattering to hear. He then said that he wished I was his brother because all his brothers were jerks to him. All I could do was smile and tell him that we are all brothers and sisters. After a while, we found out that J had tried to call. So we called him back to sing to him, but he didn't pick up. We ended up calling our accompanist and singing to her since she was ill. Afterward, she said that it put a smile on her face. Then, we decided to call J back and sing on his answering machine.

Towards the end of rehearsal, the conductor told us about some music that she received from a local composer who had set some poetry to music. It was set for solo voice and talked about picking one to set to two-part voice. She went to the piano and invited those of us who could read music to sing along with her as she played it. The pieces were well written in classical style. As I sang along with them, the songs reminded me of Benjamin Britten, a gay composer from decades ago. I really enjoyed trying to sight-sing along to the music because it reminded me of they type of music I sang when I was a music major singing during my recitals. The choral conductor was able to pick out my voice range when we sight sang the pieces.

One of the guys from the office, V, came to say goodbye. The choral conductor asked him to play piano for us as we sang one of the songs again. It turns out he used to be a classical musician. He played the accompaniment as we sang to one of the songs again. After that, rehearsal concluded and V continued to play the piano. He started playing something classical and I asked him if it was Chopin until he switched to another part of the piece which was more Beethoven. He asked me what my name was and said it was nice to meet me. He said that he was finally glad to meet me since he's heard a lot about me. He started playing Chopin, a piece that I recognized from the movie "The Pianist." It was time for lunch after that. It was definitely a pretty interesting day.