Finding My Soul

I really didn't do much today. All I know is that I'm getting pretty tired of spam. I got to find an alternative food to eat. I need more salads. I definitely need to be more productive with my life. I'm finding myself wanting to take naps again. I was a bit productive though. I called my doctor's office to get the last three blood pressure readings that I had when I had visited the doctor. I don't know why this matters since these were all taken when I was sick. I'm currently applying for health insurance and they are asking me all these questions. One of the questions concerns my taking anti-depressant pills. I had stopped taking them for almost two weeks now and I'm mentally well. I told the person interviewing me that when I stopped working, I no longer needed the medication. At times I thought I needed it, when situations like crying while listening to a CD with sad music. Then again, I did that even before I went on the medication. I'm just a sensitive person.

Anyway, I practiced the guitar for a little bit. I'm trying to get callouses on my fingers so that I can get used to playing. I'm currently learning G Major and a minor. Unfortunately, I can only play for so long because my wrist starts to hurt. At least I'm starting to sound a bit better. After that, I went to get ready for choir rehearsal. I left at around 6PM and got to the church early. So, I sat in my car and text messaged a few people. One of them was a friend that I had made through my friend Kelly. When I first met him, I thought it he was okay and a bit dry. Then, I felt bad for him because Kelly ousted him for something that wasn't even his fault. Anyway, it just seems like every time we chat, there's just something about him that makes me feel bored. I talked to him for a while before I rehearsal started.

Choir rehearsal was pretty interesting. There weren't many women as there were when I first came to the rehearsal. They still talked while they were being directed to sing. There was even one point when I was the only one singing because they didn't pay attention. This is something I just got to get used to. The guy who sat next to me swoops up to his note and I just keep noticing it. They don't know when to come in or count beats. Fortunately Angelo the choir director is pretty patient with them. I guess you have to be in a church choir full of older ladies. It seems as if we were a bit more productive this time around though. After rehearsal, a few of the ladies complimented me on my voice and talked about the church choir before now.

I got to my car and went to visit my ex-coworkers. Alvin told me that he had changed his time and that he was leaving a half hour earlier than before. I don't get to talk to them often, so I try visit and take advantage of printing and copying stuff while I'm there. Alvin had pretty much expressed his unhappiness with me. He kept asking me if I was going to continue to do this every week. I felt like I was annoying him. So, I quickly did what I needed to do and left. I kept thinking about how he made me feel and how I must have made him feel. I've started to realize that they've pretty much moved on without me and that it is time that I do the same. Not only that, I know that Alvin has changed a lot working there. That's when I realized that he is going through exactly what I went through. That damn company changes you and turns you into a person that you are not.

I'm pretty thankful that I don't work there anymore. I think about how all those people, my ex-coworkers were the same people who caused all the problems in the first place. They are vindictive, back-stabbing people only looking out for themselves. I realize know that I never fit in there. That's why I was unhappy these past three years. It turned me into someone that I'm not. It turned me into a monster and I treated some people badly who didn't deserve it. It's funny how the drama continues even after I'm gone. The flamboyant drama queen told everyone that I sabotaged the computer system. The person who was absent a lot that wanted me to stay and take the brunt of all the heat. The other one with whom tried so many different ways to make me stay was the same one who was complaining about me in the first place. It's funny how I was not like that. I always tried to create a better working relationship with everyone, but I guess I was the only one. Amongst many, many other things, that was really the last straw. All I know now is that Karma really is a bitch and I don't feel sorry for them at all. They get what they deserve.

I am so happy and thankful now that I am no longer stressed and depressed about that job. That I don't have to worry about all the back-stabbing drama that goes on at that place. All the unnecessary stress that goes on because of the bi-polar leadership that they have there. It not only occurs there, but throughout that company. It seems like it's a requirement. I can only foresee that company go down the toilet a bit. I'm so happy now that I have a social life. I can go out and hang out with friends without being tied down my a job that doesn't take me anywhere. I don't need those damn anti-depressants and I finally have the time to go to the gym and get myself back in shape. I can now focus on me and who I am as a person. I have this time to re-discover my true self and who I really am. I can shed off this disgusting personality that that damn place made me and be my true self.

So to re-iterate, I'm so happy and thankful that I don't work for a place that changes people into someone they are not. It is time that I move on with my life and leave the past behind. Leave it all behind. Let go the people. Let go of the place. Let go of all the evil that it represented and keep moving forward. I am finally happy. Thank God Almighty, I am finally happy. There's no turning back now. My focus is on what I see ahead of me and that is my own happiness. No one else but mine. The only one's that I am taking with me are the friends and family who only want me to be happy. Everyone else can just stay behind and f*ck off. Hasta la vista FedEx.